Well first you must hear my story.
Christ found me when I was ten. I followed him and loved him, life was great. I was lucky. My family was all together, I enough friends to keep me from getting bored, school was easy.
Two years later I started Middle School. I wanted to be a missionary. I prayed endlessly with no results. I didn't talk to anyone about it, besides my parents. I wanted to go out and tell everyone.
Things changed. I changed schools, soccer team, hair, clothes, youth directors, everything. I started youth group, alone and excluded. I didn't care, things elsewhere were good. I was a published poet, a big part of a commmercial, and had five of the best friends anyone could ask for. But then something changed me. I stopped going to church, my schedule was tight, I was stressed, upset, but quiet. I couldn't tell anyone. I ate less and less, lost way too much weight. I felt so alone in the world.
For every valley there is a mountain.
Spring came and I taped a smile on. My friends stopped worrying, my boyfriend was happy, I was eating again. Summer came and I hung around the house. Fall, I was going to parties, occasionally showing up at church on Wednesdays.
Sometimes the sky really does fall.
I was beyond depressed, I couldn't sleep, eat, talk or cry. I wouldn't tell anyone why. (I still won't) I had occasional breakdowns and rapid journal writings. I went to church and just sat, bored and oblivious.
Death knocked at my door.
I tried to kill myself three or four times. Something always stopped me, someone would walk in the room, or I'd chicken out or the phone would ring.
Spring came, I put up my happy face mask. Things fell apart, my boyfriend and I broke up. I got in a fight with my two best friends in the entire world. I made some mistakes that I will eternally regret
Then it was the Summer of 2002.
I had tried to hide myself from Christ with the biggest wall I could build. The devil himself had me on a leash and was pulling on me. I felt more alone than a single star on a cloudy night.
"But it was then that I carried you"
God wanted me to know I wasn't alone. Our youth director invited me to camp, I had nothing better to do, so I went. Christ dragged Elisabeth all the way from Scotland for me, a true blessing on my part. She was my roomate for the week. We witnessed hundred of people get saved the first night.
One night, we were sitting listening to the band rock on. Ken Freeman asked us to pray. He said "Raise your hand if you have ever felt too fat, alone.." I cried, for it finally came to me. There is someone more powerful than everything that came from not only heaven. but the throne of heaven to find me. He hung out with the prostitutes, the poor, the hopeless. He was stoned, beaten, stripped thinking of me. He was hung on a cross to make sure I knew I was loved. He rose from the dead so I could spend the rest of my life with Him.
I cried, it was more than tears. My heart was broken knowing that all this time He was right there and all I had to do was listen. I prayed desperately for forgiveness. God wrapped his arms around me and said ''Bless you child for I have finally found you and will never let you go.''
I was forever changed.
Melinda, another blessing in my life, took me outside and we talked for hours about everything. She helped me a lot. She sat with me as I cried more over God's Grace and love for someone as scum-like as me.
Dreams really can come true.
With I in God's hand, he brought me to Mexico to help and orphanage with some remodelling and to hang out with the kids. Even though there was a language barrier, God blessed us with the universal language of smiles and tears. We understood each other without words. I watched those kids change people in my church as some of them came closer to Christ.
Jesus took me downtown to help promote a Vacation Bible School. We were kept safe and covered a large area in a little time. We talked to people and became a closer church family.
He took me to Weslaco, we painted a church, played with kids, moved small trees and visited the beach. Christ brought me Kendall everytime I was feeling down or discouraged and he talked to me, made me laugh, and feel better about myself. Elisabeth and I led the singing, a gift I wasn't blessed with. She has an awesome voice.
This summer has changed me, hopefully forever. I am a child of God, a Jesus Freak, heir to the throne of heaven all because HE loved me.
God brought me home. People have asked, "What has happened to you?" I am alive! The world is full of zombies, dead in Christ. I have been awakened! I will not be quiet, for I have been called to help wake the WHOLE WORLD UP!
